Black people eat hummus

All sandwiches should have meat. It's that simple. There's only one exception and that is the always delicious peanut butter and jelly sando. Why is it the exception? Protein. Protein makes you awesome. The more protein you eat, the more awesome you are. Peanut butter has a shit ton of protein. The foundation of a meal must have protein in it. A sandwich with no meat makes no sense. The only logical explanation (or excuse as I would say) is that you are a vegetarian. Well vegetarians are pussies. Show me a vegetarian and I will show you a pussy. You cannot get awesome by not eating meat. I understand there are arguments (stupid ones) for vegetarianism and true, it is a personal choice. Yeah, a personal choice to not be awesome. Moral reasons? Now you're a gaping pussy. Cows are here for one purpose and one purpose only: for us to eat. They're just like vegetables except they can move. Apparently the facts state that for every one pound of beef you could make seven pounds of grain. Well, I'll trade my seven pounds of grain for your one pound of beef ten times out of ten, you fucking vegan pussy. What the fuck am I gonna do with seven pounds of grain? What a paradox this is: we must reduce our carbon footprint yet still be able to eat delicious filet mignon. The Earth is one big natural resource and we're obliterating it at a pace that gives me vertigo. A balance must be struck between our god given right to eat animals and the detrimental effects of raising cattle for slaughter on our environment. The first time I witnessed a sandwich being made sans meat, I was quite perplexed. My roommate was making a sandwich that did not include meat. I was confused and distraught. Like an eloquent Italian from New Jersey, this does not make sense.
Me: "Dude, what is that shit you're putting on there?"
Roommate: "Hummus."
Me: "No meat?"
Roommate: " No, just hummus."
Did I mention my roommate was black? This was blowing my fucking mind. Not only was I watching a sandwich being made without the slightest trace of anything resembling meat, I was also witnessing a black man making a hummus sandwich, with a very generous portion of hummus. I have never seen this before. I hate hummus. I've never had it before; I'm not even sure what it is and nor do I care. It kinda sounds Jewish to me (don't worry I love Jews). I don't mean to stereotype but hummus cannot possibly be a common ingredient in most black folks' kitchen. Watermelon, fried chicken, cornbread, sugar water . . . hummus is most unexpected. Almost as unexpected as a sandwich without meat on it and my roommate was not a vegetarian by any means. This only served to compound my confusion further. It has never occurred to me, EVER, to have a meatless meal (insert obligatory gay reference here). An egg salad sandwich would be the closest thing, but that's protein from a bird. Pancake breakfast? Of course, but it is always accompanied by sausage and/or bacon. There are just some things in life that just ain't natural: Black people eating hummus and sandwiches without meat . . . .and vegetarians are pussies.