The Lemon Party

I used to always say I wanted to punch bloggers in the face because blogging is gay. I don't mean that I want to punch a gay guy in the face. I actually think male homosexual activity is quite amusing. Call me disturbed, but I find the concept of two hairy dudes pumping each other up the ass to be hysterical:

Homo dude 1 (in deep voice): "ARGH YEAH SMACK MY ASS!"
Homo dude 2 (in deeper voice): "OH YEAH I'M SPANKIN IT!"

The defining charateristic of the typical office environment is boredom. You're in the same place, for the same time, doing the same thing, everyday. But nothing brightens a day like tricking a heterosexual male friend into viewing gay porn. Back when AOL instant messenger was big, the trick was to change an innocuous link to something like,"God's Hand Appears in Rock Formation", with a hyperlink to something unbelievably offensive. Thinking they were about to have a laugh at the sake of another pious retard seeking to exploit religion for their personal monetary gain, instead they were forced to look at three naked geriatric men kissing and sucking each other's dicks. Yes, the famous "Lemon Party". Go on, look at it. It's like staring at the fucking sun. You'll get whiplash from turning away your head so quick. What started as something innocent, like a 70 year old man threesome, to stuff more hardcore. Eventually we were inserting hyperlinks to videos of a dude bouncing up and down on another dude's cock with his dick spinning in circles with each bounce to Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" as the soundtrack. The best part is after about 20 seconds a message reading "You Are Officially Gay" pops up. I can sit here and say I watched it because I'm not gay. I'm a flaming heterosexual. And I also don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. If I were so inclined, trust me I'm not, but if I were, I'd just tell you I'm gonna go give a dude a pump. I'd be like, "Yo, I gotta get my dick sucked by this dude". I'm not going to hide it. You have to deal with my dick sucking activity, not me. We were becoming more and more desensitized to gay porn by the day. The next clip du jour was a dude blowing himself on a couch to the musical stylings of D.V.D.A (which is a porn term for double vagina, double anal penetration). That was hilarious. The game then stepped up to the Pain Olympics, which is a dude chopping off his cock and balls, the famous 2 Girls 1 Cup, to a dude sitting on a pickle jar and then breaking it with his sphincter with blood gushing out. It was at this point I realized we have crossed a line: We were now consistently exposing ourselves to the bowels (no pun intended) of gay porn on a daily basis. Who was actually getting punished? My buddy? Or me for trying to find the grossest gay porn I could find? Needless to say, this game died a grateful death. I'm sure you're thinking, "He said blogging is gay while he is blogging" and yes, you're right. I want to punch myself in the face. But if I got just ONE of you to click on any of the aforementioned links, it's all worth it. I gotta run, I'm gonna go get my dick sucked. By a dude. You faggot.