Cherios

David Carradine was found dead, hanging by his neck and tied up in his hotel room in Thailand. The freaky part is he did it to himself. I think choking yourself while masturbating is disturbing and hysterical at the same time. I guess I kind of get it; he was like 72 years old. He's been jerking off for sixty years. I know I wouldn't want to eat Cherios everyday for sixty years; at some point you're gonna wanna spice it up with some strawberries or bananas. I've jerked off, on average, once a day since I was 12. I'm 26. That's 14 years of jerking off. 365 x 14 is 5,110. So, conservatively, I've jerked off 5,110 times. He was 72. If he started at 12, that means he's jerked off 21,900 times. Due to the freakishness of the incident I'm gonna round up to 22,000. Kill Bill has jerked off 22,000 times. When did it go bad? When did watching big-tittied lesbians, with only a bottle of lotion, start to bore him? They say it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master something, so does jerkoff deviancy start then? That would mean in seven years, at age 33, I'm gonna start to need some freaky shit to drop my load. That seems a tad early. I feel like sexual deviancy, assuming you have normal sexual behavior, would have to start in your forties at the earliest. That would mean you would have to jerkoff 15,000 times before you become a freak. . . I think I'm gonna slow down.
I was glad to see that he was at least in the middle of shooting a movie, because he was in Thailand. I was like, "Oh no, he's banging kids," but let me make this perfectly clear: The ONLY reason to go to Thailand is to fuck a child. That's it. There's no other legitimate reason. They eat bugs there. There are thousands of beautiful beaches all over the world, with better food and nightlife. Adults go to Thailand to fuck children. That's what that place is all about. You can get yourself three 8 year olds for like fifty bucks. If anyone you know says they're going on vacation in Thailand, don't ever let that sick fuck near your children because he will want to sex them. Although, this subject has me thinking: If it's that easy to bang kids in Thailand, I wonder if they'll serve me some delicious human meat? Hmmmm. . . . .