Apricots

There comes a time in every male adolescent's life where he discovers the sheer, unbridled jubilation of dropping his first load. My first load came (pun intended) at the tender age of 12. I was perusing a Club magazine and my dick got so hard it hurt. I was laying on my stomach, grinding into the bed, but that did nothing but irritate it more. Frustrated and in pain, I took my dick out for inspection. I don't know if it was instinct or what, but I grabbed it. This caused my penis to explode, my first ejaculation! I ran to the bathroom unsure of what to do. A little voice in the back of my head told me to do that again, this time with a purpose. I did. It was fucking awesome. I'm not sure why preventing drug use in teenagers is difficult. Just give them some porn. If I had unlimited access to hardcore pornography, I would never have started smoking weed. What would be the point? There's nothing like that feeling of blowing a load. It immediately become a staple in my after-school routine. I would come home and go straight to the bathroom. I would draw a bath because the sound of the water filling the tub would drown out the jerking sounds, but it was a pressure jerk. I had to be finished before the tub filled up and the water turned off. So the best sessions came when no one was at home. I could be totally uninhibited. I would lay out two towels to see how far I could shoot it. If the wind was right, I could clear both of them and hit the wall. I pity the next occupants of that house. Initially, Vaseline was my lube of choice, but I found it only served to make the activity messier than it already was; plus it just wasn't practical. It was oily and next to impossible wash off. I had to use my spankerchief, but a towel full of load and vaseline is disgusting. I began to experiment with various lotions, even soap. Getting soap inside the tip of your penis is a bummer. I quickly abandoned it. Conditioner worked OK, but that was expensive and sure to be missed. A full investigation of our medicine cabinet led me to a tube titled "Apricot Scrub". Much to my chagrin, I was not familiar with what an exfoliate does. I figured it was some kind of apricot lotion and I liked apricots; they were like eating little ears*. I filled my hand generously and began jerking like mad. "OWWWW!" I screamed, as hundreds of crushed up apricot pits ripped into my dick. It was like whacking with sandpaper. It didn't deter me, of course. I immediately washed it off and went searching for an alternative. My inquisitive nature led me to my dad's dresser drawer. I was in forbidden territory, but my gambit paid off. I discovered something tailor-made for whacking: K-Y jelly. I used to hear my dad pumping cause his room was next to mine and hearing the moans freaked me the fuck out when I was 12. I told my dad his quote unquote "TV"was too loud at night. He got me a white-noise projector. Never been able to sleep without one since. But the beautiful thing about K-Y is that giving it water is like giving it steroids. One time during a particularly enthusiastic session I slipped, and hit myself in the nose with my fist. I immediately blew my load.

* Don't forget, I will eat you.